From my teenage years to my early adulthood life, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. During high school, I was emotionally abused and it affected me a lot. I was a quiet and shy person so I guess it was the perfect incentive to pick on me, mock me and say hurtful words to me. I was a very sensitive person and words really affected me. I kept my feelings in and gradually I became moody and sad. I didn’t tell anyone because who would I tell, no one understood and that would be another excuse to laugh at me.
At home, it wasn’t easier. My mum was struggling with her own pain and passed down her frustration on me as well. She was preoccupied with her pain that she couldn’t notice how sad I was. I pretended to be happy some days, I got so good at faking a smile only few knew were fake. I started feeling like there was no need to live, I wasn’t good enough and the world was better without me. On several occasions, I wrote suicide notes and was close to ‘end it all’ but somehow I never did it. Those were the worst days of my life, it was like walking the streets but I was mentally not there.
One day, I watched a talk of someone who struggled with depression and somehow it felt like the person understood me. I started walking myself out of depression through self discovery and personal development. I read books on self love and self esteem until I believed I was good enough, I could be happy and I deserved it.Now, I work every day to be a better version of myself and never have to go back to that point in my life.